True but thats because hes a fetus.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
