everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
