I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
