i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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