and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
