I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
