she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
