I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
