Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
