You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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