So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
