He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
