They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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