well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
