Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
