please come you make the beer taste better
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
