dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
