it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
