A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
