Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
