I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
