all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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