Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
