You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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