3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
