me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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