Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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