The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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