Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
