Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
