# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can you bring me the toilet please
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
