OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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