she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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