I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
