pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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