When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
