I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
