hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
