I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
