Don't you send me to vm
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
