he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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