Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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