he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
