I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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