forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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