I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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