i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
