It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
