I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
