So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We are two peas in an std pod
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
