he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
